It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
