who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
