I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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