I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
