So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
