I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
