So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
