Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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