it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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