Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
