meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
