I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
