and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
