They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
