i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
