some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he thought i was a dude.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
