He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
