On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
