final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
