I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found your dick twin last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
