Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
