I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
a search helicopter?!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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