Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize