Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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