Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
