You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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