The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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