What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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