Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
