I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Randomize
