when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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