I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
