I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
