Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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