I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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