i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
