I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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