I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
