He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize