he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize