i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
whose parrot is this?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
