and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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