I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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