so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
