I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
