Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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