remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
