vagina is talking i cant
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
