I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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