If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
