Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
