Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
