I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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