Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
