I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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