my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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