Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I haven't been this sober since birth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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