Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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