I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
