Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
