We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
