a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
