so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
