y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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