Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
