Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
